I’m happy to say that I’m finally feeling 13.7% less overwhelmed right now than I did on June 18th when I started my 2nd job.
Waking up before 6am every day is pretty standard, it doesn’t totally throw me off my game anymore. Editing photos until I go to bed has also become pretty routine. Getting off work and driving to a photoshoot and getting home late after a 16 hour day isn’t as bad as it once was. Answering client emails from the bathroom at work doesn’t bother me anymore (sshhh! Don’t tell my boss…I probably shouldn’t be doing that haha!).
I don’t know what’s worse…that I’m doing all of that stuff every day or that it has come to feel normal. This summer has been so incredibly hard. It’s odd to think that I’m starting to feel comfortable with how difficult it all is. This shouldn’t feel like my new normal.
On top of all the madness from my own life, dear friends around me are dealing with tragedy after tragedy. Deaths in the family, diseases, lives being flipped upside down…I want so badly to support them in the way my heart desires. I want to bake them cakes and tell them everything is going to be ok. I want to help them with laundry and cooking and give them endless hugs. But it’s hard to take care of others when you’re barely taking care of yourself.
Thankfully, my wedding season is over soon. Just a few more weeks until I can have a sliver of sanity and peace back in my life. Just a few more weeks until Fall arrives and I can close the door on this summer. A dear friend and I named this summer, “The Craptastic Summer Whose Name Will Never Be Mentioned Again.” It’s silly and yet that name couldn’t be more spot on.
If I never have another summer this hard again for the rest of my life, I’ll die a happy lady. But, I’m reminded of God’s faithfulness to me through it all. He got me this job so that we could continue paying for fertility treatments. He is the one who wakes me early enough to see the sun rise. He is the one who has given me energy to get through each day… without caffeine (ok, seriously. Can we talk about this for a sec? I don’t know how I’m functioning without coffee in my life right now. It is truly a miracle that I am surviving without it, it must be an act of the Almighty that I haven’t fallen into a deep hibernation by this point). He has given me a husband gracious enough to not be upset if I work all night next to him on the couch. He is shaping me through this season of difficulty. He is shaping David as well and our marriage too. And I know that I will come out on the other side a stronger woman because of it.