The Reason

It’s hard for me to believe that a week ago, almost exactly to the hour, all of this craziness happened and my whole world was flipped upside down. I was talking with David last night before bed and I told him that I felt like the Holy Spirit saved my life. There were so many chances and moments for things to go differently last Wednesday. But they didn’t. They happened the way they did, and they happened for a reason (I’m just not quite sure what that reason is at the moment) and because of it, I’m alive right now.

Right as the horrible pain had just started last Wednesday, I went to the bathroom. I was washing my hands and I looked in the mirror and I had this horrible thought flash through my mind. “You’re losing your baby.” I don’t know where it came from and I don’t know why I had that thought because I was 150% sure that I was not pregnant. But that thought is what prompted me to call David and tell him the pain had gotten worse. I could have ignored the thought, ignored the pain like I had done on Tuesday and most of that day already, and just gone back to work. But I didn’t.

When David answered, and I told him about how the pain had gotten worse since lunch, and I heard such an urgency in his voice as he said “Stay put, I will be there in 2 minutes and we are going to the doctor.” I’ve never heard him speak with such urgency before. He could have said “Oh honey, I’m sure you’re ok. You probably ate something weird. Why don’t I take you home and you can take some Tums and lie down for a while? If you’re not feeling better by tomorrow, we can always go to the doctor.” But he didn’t say that.

When I got to Dr. B’s, the nurses took me right back to an exam room. They did a comprehensive ultrasound, not wanting to miss a single thing. They were patient and listened to me as I told them where the pain was. They were caring and concerned. They could have easily told me that it was indigestion and that I just needed to rest at home. In fact, today at my post-op exam the same nurse told me that 9 out of 10 times, if a woman who just had a negative pregnancy test and her period comes in and complains of pain and bleeding, she would not be super high on their triage scale. She said typically, they would send that woman home without an emergency ultrasound and would schedule her for a time that fit the clinic schedule. But this time, they didn’t do that.

After the exam with the nurses, they decided to page Dr. B and had him come directly over to his office to check me out. He came straight over without hesitation or delay. And once he arrived, he knew immediately what was going on and what needed to be done. He could have easily told his nurses after he got the page, “Look, it’s 4pm. My eyes are dilated, I’m ready to go home. Have Becky come back first things in the morning and I’ll be happy to check her out.” But he didn’t say that.

See? All these things had to align for me to be alive right now. If even one of them had been different, I would not be here right now. That’s not even a question.

I don’t know why Dr. B decided to still come in to the office even though his work day was over. I don’t know why I decided to call David and tell him about the pain. Heck, I don’t even know why I had to go through this in the first place! Why wasn’t this an ectopic pregnancy that was caught early and didn’t require surgery and the loss of both baby and my left tube? I have absolutely no idea.

I firmly believe now that the sole reason behind me taking my 2nd job was so that I wouldn’t be home alone when this happened. If I had been, I know I would have just laid down to take a nap and I probably would have never woken up. Just another thing that had to be lined up so that my life was spared.

But I do know that the Holy Spirit works in incredible and mysterious ways. I do know that the Lord wanted to see me come out on the other side of this. And I really do believe the Holy Spirit saved my life. I know He is good to His core and I know this experience fits into His plan, hard as it may be. There is a reason for all of this and I plan to spend a lot of time seeking Him out in hopes of learning that reason one day.

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3 thoughts on “The Reason

  1. Wow Becky. This post brought tears to my eyes. Yes, the Lord works in mysterious ways and although you don't know the reason why things happened the way they did, I believe you are right, there IS a reason. I love that even in the midst of the emotional and physical pain you are going through that you are able to look at the positive side and say “Thank you Lord for saving my life”. That is a beautiful thing. Love you and praying for you friend.

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