I got smacked in the forehead by God this weekend and it went a little something like this…..
“I have some questions for you, and I want some straight answers.Where were you when I created the earth? Tell me, since you know so much! Who decided on its size? Certainly you’ll know that! Who came up with the blueprints and measurements? How was its foundation poured…..Have you ever gotten to the true bottom of things, explored the labyrinthine caves of deep ocean? Do you know the first thing about death? Do you have one clue regarding death’s dark mysteries? And do you have any idea how large this earth is? Speak up if you have even the beginning of an answer…..Have you ever traveled to where snow is made, seen the vault where hail is stockpiled? The arsenals of hail and snow that I keep in readiness for times of trouble and battle and war? Can you find your way to where lightning is launched, or to the place from which the wind blows?…….Was it through your know-how that the hawk learned to fly, soaring effortlessly on thermal updrafts? Did you command the eagle’s flight, and teach her to build her nest in the heights, Perfectly at home on the high cliff face, invulnerable on pinnacle and crag?…….Now what do you have to say for yourself? Are you going to haul me, the Mighty One, into court and press charges?……….I’m in charge of all this—I run this universe!” (Excepts from Job 38-40, The Message)
Lately, I’ve been of the mindset that I know what’s best for me more than God does. I’ve been questioning Him and upset at Him over the events that have transpired in our life this year. Now I know that part of grief includes being confused and angry, often times at God. It’s ok for us to not understand what He’s up to and to be frustrated with Him. That’s just part of it. He gets it. But there comes a point where you just have to get over yourself.
It’s been a slow work in progress, but I feel like I am finally coming to the end of myself. Enough questioning God, enough “woe is me” thinking, enough believing that I know better than He does, enough thinking that God is holding out on me. Enough! Who am I to question what the Creator of the universe is doing? Who am I to think that I know better than the One who is in charge of it all?
Just because this prayer for a family of our own right now hasn’t been answered the way I had hoped, does not mean that something better isn’t waiting for us around the corner. I’m glad I got to this realization because I have a suspicion that the moment when I finally reach the end of myself is the moment when God finally has room to really move in my life.