Crossroads

We just finished our 5th failed IUI and my due date from my ectopic pregnancy is tomorrow.  So I’m probably not exactly in the healthiest mindset right now. Maybe this is just the grief talking. I’m not quite sure. But I feel like I’m at a crossroads. And I don’t know which direction to go. And I don’t trust the street signs.

I just feel like I’ve been riding the crazy train for a little too long and I’m ready to get off it. I don’t really know what that means or what it looks like or what I’m even talking about. I just feel like something’s gotta give.

I can’t tell if we should take a break or keep moving forward. I can’t tell if I should get a 2nd opinion, or trust Dr. B and stick with him. I don’t know if we should keep trying more IUIs or move onto something else. I don’t know if we should just quit medical intervention entirely or if we should stay the course and keep on keepin’ on.

I’m terrified of making the wrong decision.

In 3+ years, I’ve never really felt myself at a crossroads before. I’ve always had a gut feeling about what steps to take next. I’ve never really felt lost before in this journey. Confused and hurt? Yes. But not lost. So this is pretty new for me to not really know what to do next and it’s got me all twisted up. Chances are, I’m blowing this out of proportion and I need to just chill out. Yes, in fact there’s a pretty high probability that I’m just over thinking this to death. No decision needs to be made today. Or even next week.

So maybe I’ll just plop myself down and sit right in the middle of the intersection for a bit. Hopefully God will give us some clarity on where we go from here.

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8 thoughts on “Crossroads

  1. You are so right – give yourself time to think about what to do next. Between coming right out of a failed IUI cycle and your baby's due date, you are probably filled with all kinds of emotions right now that need to settle a bit before making your next mover.

    I wish you peace during this time and hope that the right choice comes to you!

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  2. Gods plan is going to happen. Sometimes when your confused you have to let go and let god. You will know what is right when the time is right. So sorry, such a hard place to be in.

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  3. I'll be praying for clarity and peace. Like Runnin' Red said, this is going to be a tough time just coming off of an IUI that didn't take and the due date of your lost baby. Spend some time with God and above all else, remember that he loves you, he is sovereign and faithful. We all love you too friend.

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  4. I love the thought of you just sitting in the middle of the intersection… Not moving until you hear His voice. Gosh that's cool. But it's also scary, confusing, frustrating, and a little sad I'm sure. I'm so sorry that IUI #5 failed and I'm so sorry that you feel lost and confused! Thinking of you!

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  5. I'm sorry Becky, I was there a few months ago emotionally and after a lot of talks with Jeremy we just decided it's time for another break. You can only go through so many emotions for so long before you have to start focusing on other things in life again. I'm praying for you during this time, I can't believe it's already been 9 months.

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