Any time I see someone who I haven’t talked to in a few months, the questions come…”what are you guys doing? Like for real, what’s the plan? Are you going to adopt? Are you still trying? Are you not trying? Can you honestly try for a family for so long and then just give up? Oh my gosh, are you secretly doing IVF and not telling anyone?”
Even if the questions aren’t fully verbalized, they’re there. I can see them in their eyes. The words are just below the surface.
And I typically dodge the questions. Because I don’t have any answers. My only answer has been this: we’re only moving when God tells us to move. And not a second sooner than that. And we’re only pursuing a direction that God leads us to. We’re not going to rush into something without being fully convicted of his prompting first. And so far, God hasn’t given us any clues as to what or when our next steps will be. And I’m getting the impression that He doesn’t have plans to tell us any time soon. And to be honest, we’re perfectly fine with that.
Sometimes it’s not a smart move to race forward without appreciating where you are. Sometimes it’s not wise to jump into something before your heart has fully healed. Sometimes, you need to give yourself a little time and grace to just stop, breathe and revel in the place that you’re in.
I feel like God has us in this place right now where we are reclaiming our joy. Not that we haven’t been happy people for the last 4 years, we absolutely have. But infertility was sort of this big wet blanket on our life. It refocused our thoughts, it dictated our schedules, it took all our money, it dominated so much of our life. And it feels like we just took off the big wet blanket and we’re drying off in the sunshine right now.
It feels so good to just enjoy life again.
And so no. We’re not talking about what our next moves are. We have no next moves. And we are ok with that! I’m 100% happy with just enjoying life right now, without worrying about what’s next.
What’s next is we’re going snowshoeing tomorrow. And we’re going to have a nice dinner with our family tonight and I’ll probably have a glass of wine. What’s next is I’ll probably be updating my Pinterest board with a few new recipes this afternoon. What’s next is we’re looking forward to sunshine and hiking in the 70 degree weather we’ve had here lately (well, not today. It’s snowing today. But I hear it’s going to be nice again soon!). What’s next is enjoying Spring Break where I can get caught up on my reading for class a little it (how is it that I’m only auditing one class and I’m still behind on my reading?!). That’s what is next for us.
Sometimes when you’re in the process of reclaiming your joy, you just focus on what’s in front of you. You take hold of the place where you are at, regardless of circumstances, and you celebrate. You don’t look ahead, you don’t look behind you. You just love where you are.