I have such a different mindset this time around.
I had orientation on Friday and there was nothing but joy and anticipation in my heart. No doubt or fear, no questioning or uncertainty and no temptation to run out the door (haha)! The entire 7 hour orientation was like a balm to my soul. I soaked in every message, every piece of advice given to us by the various professors, deans, students and faculty. I had the privilege of eating lunch with two professors in my program and they were so kind and encouraging. The entire day solidified my belief that things will be very different this time.
With such a strong desire to make my grad school experience rich and redeeming, there is certainly self-imposed pressure to do all the things I didn’t do back in 2007-2009. Read all the pages in all the books. Pour my heart into researching papers. Attend every single class. Stay on top of every assignment. Prepare. Enjoy. Study. Soak it all in. Thrive.
Truly I hope that I do all those things. But I think a little grace will go a long way too. It’s tempting to strive-strive-strive-achieve-achieve-achieve. But throwing myself into perfectionism and legalism isn’t going to accomplish anything. I have to keep in mind that I am still recovering from brain surgery. And we’re moving and house hunting. And I’m still running a business. And I’m still a wife. This education experience is sure to be rigorous and challenging, but it’s ok to rest, breathe and enjoy the ride as well.
After registering for classes, I had a peek at my course assignments and I am equally excited and overwhelmed at what is ahead of me. I have 3,126 pages to read, 10 papers to write, midterms, group projects, retreats and finals in the next 5 months. So yeah…. grace 🙂