A Safe Place

It might not look like it, but this is my very first post on this blog. I imported a few  old posts from another blogging platform that I was using, so although it might look like I’ve been around here for a while, this is indeed a fresh start for me!

My old blog was making me uncomfortable for 2 reasons.

1)Through the years, various prying eyes began to read my old blog: family, old friends, acquaintances etc. It felt a little bit like people were stalking me from afar, watching my ups and downs without actually having to participate in my life. People from our old church, who began treating me like an outcast because I didn’t fit nicely with their family-centric ideals, still read my blog. They read all about our health trials over the last year and never once reached out or offered a helping hand. That angered and irritated me to no end. So starting a new blog helped me feel like I was putting an end to the voyeurism. I get that blogging is public and literally anyone can read this blog, but I look forward to the relative privacy and anonymity I have here.

2)My old blog documented much of our 6+ year infertility journey. Consequently, many other infertility bloggers found me and started to follow along. That was all fine and good until my husband David and I decided in 2013 that we would not be pursuing any more infertility treatments after hearing a call from the Lord. That decision left us in the wilderness of childlessness, where we remain today. None of the people who followed my old blog could relate. The infertility community that I knew pretty much left me high and dry. I got a few judgy comments, weird emails, a few sideways glances from “real life” people who disagreed or thought we simply gave up. My blog began to feel like a place I needed to defend.

So eventually I decided to jump ship and start a new blog.

What I really want for this space is the freedom to talk about, wrestle with and understand what it means to be a Christian who is childless (not-by-choice). To be a Christian woman that does not fit into a category, mold, expectation or standard. I needed a place to hash things out without feeling at risk or judged, looked down upon or argued with. I think this can be that safe place.

I also have a sneaking suspicion that there might just be one or two other Christians out there that also feel like misfits in the Church. I know there are people who don’t feel like their life measures up with the Christian standard and I would really like to connect with them. Maybe there’s even another sweet couple in this world who doesn’t have children, are quasi-content with their childless state and aren’t in the active pursuit of parenthood. My hope is that us misfits who are wandering around the Kingdom of God might bump into each other. Sort of a “if you build it, they will come” kind of a hope. 🙂  I hope they find me here and connect with me.

And since there’s usually way more on my mind than identity issues related to infertility and being childless, I’ll also use this blog to continue documenting life. From trips we take to interesting hikes and fun weekends we have, I want to keep a record of that stuff. I love being able to look back and remember places we’ve been! Now that I’m in Seminary, I also have a lot of theological stuff floating around in my brain so I’m sure some of that will work its way into this blog as well.

All in all, I’m happy to have this new place. I hope it remains safe and maybe attracts a few like-minded souls.



7 thoughts on “A Safe Place

  1. Oh Becky, I hope they come. I hope they come and overwhelm you with love and support and affirmation for the path your life has taken. I can’t wait to read as you (and I) continue to wrestle with God.


  2. Well I must say that I’m not a Christian but my husband and I are near the end of our infertility treatment journey with our final attempt scheduled for next month after 5 unsuccessful treatments. Where I think I can really empathize is the amount of people who are on the forums yelling out the oh so annoying “never give up!” as if somehow we are a failure if we decide to stop plaguing our bodies with mentally and physically exhausting hormones. My husband and I don’t want to do this anymore and even the fourth and final attempt feels somewhat futile, but we’ve got a good counselor and an adoption in the far-off distance that we’re hoping will eventually work out. What I always found interesting was how many people asked us if we would cancel the adoption if we ever got pregnant, which to me was so offensive. My husband and my dog and I are already a family and any additions to it do not require DNA.

    Anyhow while I can’t empathize from a religious standpoint I do want to offer support from a ” do whatever the hell feels right for you and your husband and hell with what anybody else says!” perspective 🙂


    1. Thank you so much! Especially for that last sentence…I am slowly learning to “do whatever the hells feels right for you and your husband and hell with what anybody else says!” That is not my default, but it is feeling pretty good as I get more accustomed to our life now. Thank you for your comment! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Mali

    I think your reasons for starting a new blog are excellent ones. I hope you feel safe here, as you navigate your life without children. There are a lot of us who can relate, and who will cheer you along!


    1. Thank you Mali! It feels good to have a new space where I can share my true thoughts and feelings – and connect with a few others who can relate! 🙂


  4. I am so glad that you started a new blog! I read the last entry on your old blog but was super busy and didn’t get the chance to comment or email you (commenting is a pain on my tablet) and when I went back to get your email, it was gone.


    1. Ha! Ya I kind of impulsively deleted it sooner than I planned to. I’m so glad you were able to find the new blog, thanks for following along! 🙂


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