It might not look like it, but this is my very first post on this blog. I imported a few old posts from another blogging platform that I was using, so although it might look like I’ve been around here for a while, this is indeed a fresh start for me!
My old blog was making me uncomfortable for 2 reasons.
1)Through the years, various prying eyes began to read my old blog: family, old friends, acquaintances etc. It felt a little bit like people were stalking me from afar, watching my ups and downs without actually having to participate in my life. People from our old church, who began treating me like an outcast because I didn’t fit nicely with their family-centric ideals, still read my blog. They read all about our health trials over the last year and never once reached out or offered a helping hand. That angered and irritated me to no end. So starting a new blog helped me feel like I was putting an end to the voyeurism. I get that blogging is public and literally anyone can read this blog, but I look forward to the relative privacy and anonymity I have here.
2)My old blog documented much of our 6+ year infertility journey. Consequently, many other infertility bloggers found me and started to follow along. That was all fine and good until my husband David and I decided in 2013 that we would not be pursuing any more infertility treatments after hearing a call from the Lord. That decision left us in the wilderness of childlessness, where we remain today. None of the people who followed my old blog could relate. The infertility community that I knew pretty much left me high and dry. I got a few judgy comments, weird emails, a few sideways glances from “real life” people who disagreed or thought we simply gave up. My blog began to feel like a place I needed to defend.
So eventually I decided to jump ship and start a new blog.
What I really want for this space is the freedom to talk about, wrestle with and understand what it means to be a Christian who is childless (not-by-choice). To be a Christian woman that does not fit into a category, mold, expectation or standard. I needed a place to hash things out without feeling at risk or judged, looked down upon or argued with. I think this can be that safe place.
I also have a sneaking suspicion that there might just be one or two other Christians out there that also feel like misfits in the Church. I know there are people who don’t feel like their life measures up with the Christian standard and I would really like to connect with them. Maybe there’s even another sweet couple in this world who doesn’t have children, are quasi-content with their childless state and aren’t in the active pursuit of parenthood. My hope is that us misfits who are wandering around the Kingdom of God might bump into each other. Sort of a “if you build it, they will come” kind of a hope. 🙂 I hope they find me here and connect with me.
And since there’s usually way more on my mind than identity issues related to infertility and being childless, I’ll also use this blog to continue documenting life. From trips we take to interesting hikes and fun weekends we have, I want to keep a record of that stuff. I love being able to look back and remember places we’ve been! Now that I’m in Seminary, I also have a lot of theological stuff floating around in my brain so I’m sure some of that will work its way into this blog as well.
All in all, I’m happy to have this new place. I hope it remains safe and maybe attracts a few like-minded souls.